Why The Xbox lost you your girlfriend and stole your manhood
June 13, 2011
The Xbox. one of Mircosofts greatest inventions. Possibly one of the major downfalls of Mankind and the thief of manhood.
It has come to my attention now days that competition and handling situations in a social setting are becoming harder to find than Carmen san diego thanks to technology and for once i don’t mean facebook or twitter. Today i had a moment to think back over three very odd senarios which are all to do with the Xbox and the breaking of relationships,arguments in relationships or a guy trying to impress the girl he likes via an XBOX..
Situation one : Irish-gate (because naming it after the watergate scandal is the thing to do)
Halo 3 , a game where men and women use over the top weaponry to blast the ever loving crap out of each other, a simple place, a place where you wouldn’t think a relationship would come into the arena. How wrong you are. An Irish girl joins our group, lovely girl , starts to chat to me and one of my friends and she tells us that she had actually only bought the Xbox to try and connect with her fella more because all he did was play XBOX games all day.
We actually felt very sorry for her , she sounded like a fantastic girl and we couldn’t believe that her man was picking games over her. After saying that to her she said that she didn’t mind she wanted to be closer to him and if this was they way to do it then she would. He then joined the game and after hearing this heart warming plea of how much she cared… he proceeded to have a go at her for talking to two other guys on the net………… yes your reading this correctly.. she had spent probably over 200 pounds on a games console and game she probably didn’t even want, to spend more time with a man she loved and as she explained it he let rip into her. He also didn’t realize that we could hear them both as he didn’t mute the chat.
Situation two : Point-gate (don’t sit on it ! see what i did there .. ho ho ho.. shut up)
Once at a local drinking establishment with a few friends we were joined by a group of their friends. Two of these lads, all night people by the way, were trying to impress the local emo girl with their tales of meeting bands and tattoos…then it happened… a move that even Shaq couldn’t of stopped in his prime.. a move to lost a game … again to be shaq related it was like one of his free throws… Absolutely rubbish.
‘OH YEAH?! WELL I HAVE 4000 MORE GAMER POINTS THAN YOU’
There was a stunned silence .. followed by me laughing and people looking at me as if i had just slapped them copy of call of Duty. Not surprisingly the guy with more gamer tags lost this duel and went home.. probably to get more gamer points.
And finally Situation Three : Kobe-gate ( because this is as close as the Lakers will come to winning anything at the moment )
I don’t know about you , but i bloody love basketball. From the days of Reggie Miller , Michael Jordan and Patrick Ewing. So when NBA 2K11 came out (that doesn’t have Reggie in …sigh) I jumped at the chance at buying it … little did i know… that months later .. I would have probably the oddest display of macho-ism gone wrong thanks to it .
It was a normal day, a day like any other. I still Couldn’t hit 3 pointers and narrowly won games . I met up with a friend and her man at the time. She as usual was her lovely normal self and he was as nice as ever… until he asked me to play NBA against him. I jumped at the chance. I find it fun to play games against people when i have a small advantage. But he suddenly went from calm collected and nice , to intense and pretty darn annoyed.
He hated Kobe Bryant so i went the lakers and he went the Celtics. I won the match.. and what appeared to be a small part of his brain imploded whilst wanting a re-match. No replays of my moves were shown for the second game. none at all . He said it was because he just wanted to play, but by saying that coupled with the frustration in his eyes i could tell he wanted to beat me to prove something. But i couldn’t tell who too .
His girlfriend was being nice about everything poking fun at him as all girlfriends do and quite frankly you should be able to do that to a guy when hes making you sit through something you dont really enjoy.But he lost again .. this time with me as the knicks … and i dont mean carmelo anthony knicks i mean before the trade.
the rage was bigger, not smash something bigger but then another game was needed, if i hadn’t of lost the last game we would of been there all night until i had done because he had to prove himself to either her or some magical person i couldn’t see in the room.
But it lead me to this conclusion, is manhood now shown by a controller and not by just being a man? Are girls now impressed with gamer scores and not being treated like a women is supposed to be treated??? this worries me that i seem to be totally out of touch!
